thoughts/ideas/opinions from scott hodge

Monday, December 6

"How are you doing?"

I've been asked that question almost daily (and sometimes multiple times in a day) and for some reason it's somewhat difficult to answer. After all, what does "well" look like after losing someone so close to you?

I suppose I could be in worse shape than I am. I can still take a shower, comb my hair and look as good as I did before. But I suppose if one could see my insides, they would probably look a bit twisted up and fairly dishevled.

It's been a tough ride.

Probably the best moments are when I actually forget that my dad is gone. Unfortunately, those moments don't last very long.

Going into the office isn't easy. Walking down the hall and past his office (that hasn't been touched since he died 7 weeks ago) doesn't make it any easier either. I usually just walk by it, stop and pat his door with my hand.

The oddest part about all of this is that I find myself still not really believing that this has happened. There are mornings that I will wake up and just pause to really ponder whether or not this is all true. Sometimes I run across the memorial program from his funeral and I just stare at it and ask myself, "How can this be?"

Someone told me that since I am so surrounded by "DAD" everyday, that it may make it easier to work through the grief. I'm waiting for the "easy" part to kick in. BUT, I can't say all of this and ignore the fact that there are "good" (good as in "just ok") days too.

I'm grateful for the memories. And I suppose that at some point the memories will bring joy instead of saddness.

A person's life is truly worth celebrating. Especially this one.